We are in a shabby living room in a run down boarding house.
The landlady, Madge, serves breakfast to her only guest, Sidney.
Madge -
Do you want some toast Sidney?
He ignores her.
Madge -
Sidney. Would you like some toast?
Sidney -
Alright.
Madge -
How about some butter?
Sidney -
Eh?
Madge -
Do you want some butter?
Sidney -
Fine.
Madge gets the butter out of the fridge.
Madge -
It's been in the fridge. You'll have to let it warm up a bit.
Sidney -
I'll have to let it warm up, yes. I know.
Madge -
How are the sausages?
Sidney -
They're alright.
Madge -
And the eggs?
Sidney -
What?
Madge -
The eggs? How are they?
Sidney -
Fine.
Madge -
It's cold outside.
Sidney -
Eh?
Madge -
I said it's cold outside.
Sidney -
It's cold outside?
Madge -
Very cold.
Sidney -
No it's not! You're a liar!
Madge -
Why, Sidney. I've never heard such a thing in my life.
Sidney -
Where's the marmalade?
Two men burst into the room. They put black bags over the heads of the landlady and her sole guest.
One of the men, Mr Kiddy, starts playing the banjo.
The other, Mr Guildstein, sits on Madge's lap.
Mr Guildstein -
This is a lovely woman Mr Johnstone.
Mr Kiddy -
If you say so Mr McNally.
Mr Guildstein -
A fine woman Mr Clark.
Mr Kiddy -
I believe you Mr Turner. She reminds me of your wife.
Mr Guildstein -
But my wife is dead, Mr Daniels.
Mr Kiddy -
I know, Mr Compton.
The audience begin to leave.
Madge, Sidney, Mr Kiddy, and Mr Guildstein have a very very long conversation about jam and what was in the newspaper that day.
It leads nowhere.
- The End.